Learn how trying to control emotions backfires. Discover real emotional control and how to stop letting fear and avoidance rule your life. Join Therapy in a Nutshell’s membership: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/membership You'll get instant access to all 10 life-changing courses, live weekly Q&As, and a supportive community for just $27/month. Learn how to manage anxiety, process trauma, regulate emotions, and build lasting resilience so that you can live a deeply rich and meaningful life! So many of us have picked up messaging that emotions are negative or embarrassing, that they need to be controlled, that crying is shameful. We’ve internalized a mental rule that says something like, “I don’t let myself feel so-called “negative” emotions, because that makes me weak.” And then, in trying to not have feelings, we accidentally let them control us. Let me give you a few more examples. How do you get into a relationship without being afraid of having your heart broken? The only way to guarantee that you can’t get hurt is to control your feelings, to tamp them all down. And how do you do that? Whether it’s a romantic relationship, a friendship, a family tie, you avoid hurt feelings by keeping the other person at arms’ length, you don’t really invest in the relationship. Trying to avoid getting hurt prevents you from building good relationships. You think you’re controlling your emotions, but you’re really letting your fear of being hurt control you. It decides for you that you will not get close to anyone. You can influence your feelings by how you think, how you act, and the choices you make. But if you have a rule that “you have to control your emotions” it doesn’t leave you with many options other than avoidance. 00:00 Intro 01:56 How to Control Your Emotions (Despite That Sneaky Mental Rule) 04:03 Panic Attacks 06:44 Replace The Old Rule With A New Rule 08:32 Summary Check out the transcript below: https://therapyinanutshell.com/how-to-control-emotions/ Looking for affordable online counseling? My sponsor, BetterHelp, connects you to a licensed professional from the comfort of your own home. Try it now for 10% off your first month: https://betterhelp.com/therapyinanutshell FREE Mental Health Resources: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/free-resources Check out my podcast, Therapy in a Nutshell: https://tinpodcast.podbean.com/ Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health. In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction. And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/comeuntochrist/believe If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 988 or your local emergency services. Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC